We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
