I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
