I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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