he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
