Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
