Kiss
Puke
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
