clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize