This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
