I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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