I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
