i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
it's great music for shaving your balls
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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