I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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