We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
