I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
