Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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