There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
