Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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