apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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