remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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