You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
