Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
