I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
