I'm so fucking centered right now
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
