I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
