ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
