Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
