I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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