I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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