it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
