found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
