ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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