Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize