just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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