For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
