don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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