You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
