Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
