Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Randomize