Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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