it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
