I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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