Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
