Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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