That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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