3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize