no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
