your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
