Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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