The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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