If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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