brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
