Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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