People in love make me want to vomit
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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