Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
