I just saw a hot homeless man
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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