I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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