I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
