Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
