Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
