Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
