He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I am available for nakedness
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
