I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
