he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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