This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
