Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
