The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
